3/13/2023 0 Comments Vital smartsHe’s already rung the local garden centre but nobody’s called him back. Maybe he’s looking to re-landscape and he doesn’t know what kinds of plants are indigenous to the area. We know that there could be a social ability challenge. So now, my issue is with the wife, right? If I want to see change on my neighbour’s behaviour I need to start talking to the people in his family. He has decided not to mow the lawn until she treats him right. He is very upset with his wife and so he is making a point. Maybe there’s a social motivation issue going on. He personally lacks the skills – the ability – to maintain his lawn. He grew up in the city and never had a lawn of his own. It could also be that there’s a personal ability problem. But maybe there’s something else going on here. It would be so easy for me to jump to the fundamental attribution error which suggests that the reason my neighbour’s lawn looks like this is… why? He’s lazy! He’s just too lazy to care. Let’s take a look at the possibilities of what could be influencing my neighbour’s behaviour and try to diagnose the situation. In fact, it’s bothering me to the point that I believe it’s affecting the property value of my house. To illustrate this, let’s say my neighbour who lives across the street from me has an overgrown lawn. We need to think more broadly and recognise that there are actually six sources that influence human behaviour – not just the one that we so readily conclude. If I decide you act the way you do because you are evil and horrible, it’s extremely difficult for me to have an effective confrontation with you because I am filled with judgment. We need to find ways to rethink our conclusions if we want to have healthy outcomes in our crucial conversations. This is a very limited view of human behaviour. We believe, in that moment, that people do what they do because they’re personally motivated to do so. When looking at other people’s behaviour, we jump to a conclusion. Many times, we commit what’s called the Fundamental Attribution Error. They’re selfish, lazy, and arrogant, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” They’re just an idiot and that’s the way they treat people. Here’s what happens: In our minds, we think to ourselves, “I don’t know why they’re acting that way – that’s the way they are. Even though we know we need to initiate a crucial conversation, we don’t… or when we do, it goes badly. We face moments when our colleagues disappoint us, when our boss treats us unfairly, when our spouse lets us down, or our children treat us badly.
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